Letting go of your expectation and embracing your child

Accepting your child’s autism diagnosis is incredibly hard for many parents. I remember when Elijah was a baby, he hit all the milestones he was supposed to hit early on. He was healthy, and even started to say mommy and daddy. Then he just stopped. He went from all boxes being checked when they were supposed to be checked, to incredibly delayed. He seemed to regress. We knew something was wrong, but we had not had autism in our family tree and didn’t know much about it. Eventually we took him to a child Psychologist to be examined. We were called back days later and the doctor said Elijah had moderate autism and would need considerable help in his development.

This is a moment that every parent of an autistic kid will remember. Even though you may already know what’s coming, when it hits, it still hits hard. His mother appropriately cried and grieved, I didn’t. I was certainly sad but was never good at processing bad news. The diagnoses opened the door to treatments that he desperately needed. We immediately started filling out mountains of paperwork, his mom did much of this while I worked, to get Elijah enrolled in the therapies he needed. The sooner you can get your kid in ABA and other therapies the better chance they have at developing sooner.

I realized, not immediately, but over time that it was ok to be sad and mourn the situation, but what I was mourning was less his autism and more not getting to have my expectations of having a specific type of son. I had to realize that my son was going to have a joyful and happy life. There were going to be challenging times, but he is 100% a valuable person deserving of love. So, my issue was not the autism, but rather the loss of my expectations of what my son should be. Once I realized this, I was able to move forward and stop being sad about his autism, and instead embrace who he is.

If you view your child’s autism as a burden and you allow it to cause you depression, then you must find a way to change your mindset. Yes, the paperwork sucks. Yes, the hours at therapy sucks. Yes, the fits suck, but your kid is awesome. They’re just wired different. Take time to mourn the loss of your expectation. Understand that it’s normal to mourn, and go thru all the steps of mourning, but don’t lose sight of the reality that you have an amazing kid who deserves your best and a happy loving childhood just like anyone else. If you find yourself unable to cope, seek out a professional. You must deal with this to be your best. Autism in your child does not mean your life is a burden. It means you’ve been gifted an opportunity to raise a unique person in this world. Be there biggest supporter always. Accepting your child’s autism diagnosis is key to moving forward more joyfully in life and being the parent they need you to be.