The importance of taking care of yourself when raising your autistic child
Self-care when raising autistic kids is hard. When all your time is devoted to kids it can be overwhelming to find time for yourself. It’s incredibly important that you do. As I’ve mentioned in a previous blog post, https://fatheringautistickids.com/divorce-autism-kids/, my ex and I split time with the kids so in full transparency it is a little easier for me, but even on my days with the kids, I find time to take some moments for me. If you don’t do this, you open yourself up to resentment towards your kids as well letting yourself go hygienically, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Here are the things I do to try to keep myself operating at a high level while working full-time, spending time with my kids, and everything else life throws at me.
The first thing I do for self-care is physical. I found CrossFit in 2018, I went for about eight months and loved it, but I ended up quitting due to outside reasons such as time constraints, money, etc. After Covid and my divorce I started back up. I go Monday thru Friday at eleven, sometimes I miss a day if a work meeting pops up or I’m traveling, but five days a week is my aim. I go to CrossFitReverence in Rogers AR. It’s not just the workouts and programming I love, but the community as well. Everyone is encouraging, friendly, and wanting me to do my best. CrossFit is not about comparing to anyone else, but about being a little better today then yesterday.
CrossFit in 100 words
“Eat meat and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. Keep intake to levels that will support exercise but not body fat. Practice and train major lifts: Deadlift, clean, squat, presses, C&J, and snatch. Similarly, master the basics of gymnastics: pull-ups, dips, rope climb, push-ups, sit-ups, presses to handstand, pirouettes, flips, splits, and holds. Bike, run, swim, row, etc, hard and fast. Five or six days per week mix these elements in as many combinations and patterns as creativity will allow. Routine is the enemy. Keep workouts short and intense. Regularly learn and play new sports.”
The next thing I do is qigong, pronounced chi gong, meditation. I don’t do tons of different poses, but I take ten minutes every morning to blank out my mind. I mainly just use the basic stance and holding the tree pose, but there are thousands of poses as you progress. There are many claims of physical benefits from qigong, but for me it’s all about mind. It allows me to start my day in quiet, clear my mind completely, and reduce any stress that might be held over from the previous day. As you progress you may choose to do longer than the 10 minutes I do, but I find that’s a nice start to my day. For more information in qigong visit https://www.qigonginstitute.org/category/4/getting-started
I also, take ballroom dance lessons. My father started taking dance lessons soon after my mom passed away in 1999. When I was going thru my divorce, he purchased a few lessons for me at the local Fred Astaire studio. I went and I was pleasantly surprised to find that I enjoyed it. I’m not exactly rhythmically gifted and I’m sure I look ridiculous out there, but my instructor is amazing, and I keep going back. This is another situation where part of the appeal is the culture and social aspect. They have dance parties every Friday night. I can’t make a lot of them but when I do I have a blast. It’s been a nice way to meet people, learn a skill, and have fun all at the same time.
Self-care while raising autistic kids plays a key role to a parent’s joy in life. While your kids are the center of your universe, you are doing them a disservice by not keeping yourself in the physical, mental, and emotional state you need to be in to be the best parent and person you can be. The above are three things I do for my self-care, but the point is to do something for you. Maybe it’s just to have one night a week to yourself, maybe it’s to cut out sugary drinks, maybe it’s to get to church more often. Do something for yourself. Your personal life doesn’t end with kids, don’t forget that.